Against Polyamory

The article highlights the current surge in interest and discussion around polyamory, likening it to a trend similar to CrossFit or going vegan. In January 2024, various media outlets, including The New York Times and Peacock, featured stories and programs exploring the world of polyamorous relationships. Despite this being more of a media-driven phenomenon than a widespread societal shift, the author suggests that such trends often have a way of gradually influencing society over time, as seen in the evolution of s*xual mores in America since the 1960s. The piece emphasizes that the contemporary embrace of polyamory is not so much a bohemian rebellion but a transparent, bourgeois attempt at "ethical nonmonogamy," where openness, consent, and disclosure are central.

The author presents a counterintuitive argument, contending that conventional cheating may be more preferable than polyamorous relationships. The reasoning revolves around the belief that cheating, despite its flaws, acknowledges the inherent respect for ordinary decency and the seriousness of s*xual intimacy. The article criticizes polyamory for its purported orientation toward proceduralism and rule-making, drawing parallels to a union local seeking a quorum for new delegates. The author contends that the focus on eliminating jealousy in polyamorous relationships may strip desire of its essence, ultimately rendering it colorless. The piece concludes by cautioning against the collective delusion that rules can make the erotic domain entirely safe from passionate emotions, suggesting that adultery, despite being a transgression, at least accepts its own transgressiveness without seeking absolution from society's enlightened views.